my midnight ramblings

¿Qué hacías hoy?

Fri, 05 May 2006 04:07:06 GMT

My very last test for this semester is tomorrow. It's calculus and that sucks. I just need to concentrate more. BUT I don't feel like concentrating simply because it's the last I'll have to for this summer. Oh don't worry. I have big plans for the summer. My teachers have inspired me to learn as much as I possibly can about the world today, so I'll be watching the news and researching random things that I'm curious about. I've also started my personal Greek lessons so I'll be prepared by the time I get over there. I'm also going to walk with my mom every day and maybe some yoga or pilates? And I'm going to take a vitamin everyday. I've had one everyday so far and it seems to be working nicely.

My mom fixed our computers so that all of them, all the time can hook up to the internet and we don't have to take turns anymore. yay Mommy!

I'll need a job for the summer. I applied at Miller Ale House and I really want them to call me back. I have two back up jobs though that I know will take me. Walmart is always looking for cashiers and I have tons of experience and already know most of the people in the store. I have the option of transferring to the Steak N Shake on S. Florida. I was there just tonight and she said that they are hiring, all I need to do is ask my old store to work out the details.I'd so much rather work at Miller's though. Or maybe even Applebee's or something similar. I might go back to Walmart if they let me back in the TLE.

I've lost all motivation. I tell myself that after this test I can start my summer, but that goes against the advice I give to everyone else. I can't stand it when people put things off waiting for something else and look at me. I've been meaning to clean up all my stuff and get settled in all week, but I haven't done it. How about studying for my test? Nope not done. In anycase, tomorrow is the thing I've been waiting for so we'll see what happens after that. Hopefully I can get myself doing something productive.

I'm just barely starting to question my chosen career path. I'm very interested in other cultures and the countries of the world are working more and more closely together, globalizing. It would be so much fun to have some kind of international job. My dad suggested working as a translator possibly for the UN. That would be totally cool. I would love to travel the world, but it's just so expensive. I'm lucky that I'm going to Greece. Maybe I'll continue with engineering and then minor in international affairs? I dont know, just a thought. My goal is to come back fluent in Greek, which won't be easy. There's a reason behind the phrase "It's all Greek to me."

FINE! I'll go to sleep so I can wake up early tomorrow and drag my butt over to Tampa to get this dangblastit test over with. Goodnight one and all!

Sat, 22 Apr 2006 04:29:57 GMT

I just got a shout out over an internet radio station. Lakeland Lauren. My buddy Kevin fron the Lounge went to USF for a semester because the hurricane displaced him from Louisianna. This semester he's in California and hosting a web radio program Fridays at 11pm. (kapuradio.com for those interested). That was pretty cool, but alas my computer wouldn't connect and I missed it.

I slept all afternoon and I wasn't even tired. I don't know why I did it, but it was fun to dream those lucid dreams where you can consciously control what's going on. I'll be up all night now, though maybe that's a good thing. Tomorrow I work from 6p-4a. And then Manager Nate had the audacity to ask if I could come in early (noon!) and then work my other shift. There is no way I could work 16 hours straight, standing on my feet the entire time. I'd be so crabby by the end of the night.

One more week! I'm moving my stuff back home Monday, May 1st. Tiffany's birthday. I'll be in town and I'll definitely come see you deary. I have a few goals and plans for this summer. I will play soccer as often as possible with friends. My mom wants to cook foreign dishes, maybe one a week. I want to seriously discuss world events with my dad and little brother. That'll help me to not be so ignorant anymore. I want to learn some basic Greek to prepare. I'm hoping to go to my cousin's graduation in Louisianna on May 20th. My dad's brithday is the 24th and Ashley's is the 25th. The Folk Festival is the 26th, 7th, and 8th. I will be getting a job, too. I could go back to Walmart. I could get a job as a pizza delivery person. I could probably work at a restaurant (ha! maybe Steak N Shake) I have the experience now. I don't know, but we'll see in a week. : D

Sooooooo....

Mon, 03 Apr 2006 04:24:58 GMT

I've got Spanish workbook exercises 5-17 through 5-2sum and a five problem extra-credit take home test for Calc II to finish tonight.

I wish I could take apart all the pieces. Wipe them down. Clean out the crud. Oil the moving parts. Then I'd reassemble them in a way that was better than before. A way that doesn't allow for kinks and knots. A way that's comfortable.

Or someone could rub my head, neck, and shoulders. That would work, too.

Soccer was so much fun today. I got pretty burnt, too. And it was sooo very nice to see Tommi and everyone again. I always end up being the ring leader of all the little kids. They all look up to me. Seems like it's been that way forever. I pulled up to Grandma's house and all the little cousins ran out to see me and give me great big hugs. It feels so good to feel so loved. I went into my old work to get a soccer ball and I didn't want to stay very long so I tried to avoid people I knew. My efforts were fruitless and I stayed an extra 20 minutes visiting with ex-coworkers. That was also a we-love-Lauren feeling. This weekend was a "comforting, reassuring, I'm doing things right, my life is going well, everyone's proud of me" weekend.

I'm kinda mad right now though. For no reason in particular. If you do something to bother me at this moment I'm more likely to be upset with you than normal. Mary left work tonight without doing all her sidework. It really kinda ticked me off cuz that meant that I had to do it. I'm not in a very social mood.

I'm not going to stop. I don't slow down. You've just gotta keep up or get left behind. It's bad, I know, but I'm pretty quick to forget and it's completely possible to forget about you.

Thu, 30 Mar 2006 20:19:25 GMT

Wednesday nights at Backbooth in Orlando are amazing. I had almost too much fun. : D

I think I'm being ignored, which is never fun.

I'm going to heaven acording to the guys preaching in front of Cooper. He's not so sure about Dave. I never got to ask my question about judging. Dave was talking about how it's wrong to insult people and I kept trying to ask what the Bible says about judging people. Maybe it's cuz I'm a woman. I thought that was supposed to mean that I'm going to hell...

Wed, 29 Mar 2006 22:55:14 GMT

What good is tomorrow without a guarantee?
She can lick her lips and smile and make you wanna believe
that the consequences of your actions really are just a game
That your life is just a chain reaction taking you day by day
She says nothings forever in this crazy world
Still I'm falling in love with a right now poster girl.

: D

oh and I'm giving up Starbucks. Really all I needed was a reason to stop wasting my money there. Caffeine lowers the level of iron in your blood. I had a 36 and I needed a 38 (a 38 what--I don't know). Also, tea has more caffeine than coffee.

I'm going to 80's night tonight, in Orlando. It feels like I was planning something else tonight...

Friday, March 31st is my mother's parent's 60th wedding anniversary. Family's coming in from all over for the weekend. Tommi said that she wants to see everyone. Carter Road for a little soccer anyone? Or maybe playing in the sand dunes at night? This time we'll make sure they don't lock us in.

I can't wait for the semester to be over. I'm ready to go home. I've made some plans and there are somethings I'd like to happen. It really bothers me when people wait to do something. "After that happens then I can do this." It's like you put your life on hold while you wait for this thing. What's stopping you now? I'm not sure that's really the situation, but that's the impression I've gotten. I'll just keep doin what I do and we'll see what happens. Hopefully this summer will be everything I hope it to be. No matter what happens, I'll make sure to enjoy it anyway because that's the way I am.

Happy early birthday Sarah Collier!

It's been a month

Tue, 21 Mar 2006 05:25:17 GMT

I really like my job now, it feels more like a family and I've got a pretty good footing now. I know what's going on.

Spring break is over. It wasn't anything spectacular, but it was still nice. Back and forth from Tampa was bearable. And my little brother's 16th birthday was nice.

I dunno. I feel a little out of it. Maybe I just need to get back into the swing of things. As for right now I feel a little useless and I can't focus too well. I don't want to sleep because I'm not tired, but I can't think of anything I really want to do. I should study, but who wants to do that? I have this bead Christmas tree my granddad gave me the supplies to make. I need to sew up my grandmother's quilt. I need to put Patti's pockets on her scrubs. But I don't want to. I don't want to do anything at all really. Or maybe I just don't want to think. Making that tree won't require much thinking and my brain feels like it's been shot. I think I'll go on autopilot for a while.

Hidey Ho

Fri, 24 Feb 2006 06:49:16 GMT

Yes it's 1:30am. Yes I have a calculus exam in 8.5 hours. I studied a little bit and understand the basic concepts. What's gonna suck is the whole integration part... I keep forgetting all those little rules and shortcuts, the integral of arctan and whatnot. That's what's gonna kill me on this test. Maybe she'll give me some credit for setting them up right?

Things all seem to hit right at once and that's about the only time I ever get stressed. Tomorrow's the test and once that's over I'll go back to my normal going-with-the-flow self, not worrying about to much. I have a Spanish test on Tuesday and then later that day I have a presentation on Brazil. We're preforming that samba. We're gonna have a regular Carnival in class! I'm playing the guitar, Mark's got bongos, and Patrice is going to show everyone how to dance. Problem? We haven't done much practicing. There's still research to be done. I need to make a skirt for Patrice, but that's all gonna be taken care of this weekend. One thing at a time.

I finally got some exercise in yesterday. It's been over a month since I've been to kickboxing. I hope they keep my work schedule this way. I have MWF off and those're the days I only have class 10-12. TR I work 6-1030. Saturday I work 12-330 (but I'm staying til 9 this weekend, : /) and Sunday 6-10. Not bad hours, not bad company, not bad money. Stupid bills...

I was taking a nap on the couch the other day and I had the weirdest dream. One main part I remember is that I had just moved into this apartment (but of course the dream apartment was completely different) and people from Lakeland came to visit me, people I hardly ever talked to. At one point they all went into another room. As came back bearing apartment-welcoming gifts, I was overwhelmed by sleep. I couldn't even accept my presents I was so tired. So I closed my eyes and fell asleep (in my dream). I woke up and I was walking around campus. "Wait...no I was just in my apartment. No...that wasn't anything like my apartment. I came home this afternoon and laid down on the couch to catch a quick nap. Maybe I really am walking around campus and I just think I'm dreaming. Or am I sleeping right now?" I was so confused in that dream, I had no clue what was going on. It was part a real dream part a lucid dream. Crazy stuff, it really messes with your mind.

The other day I woke up to find out that it was 7 o'clock. Oh no! I was supposed to be at work at 6, I'm late! Why in the world is it so bright in here? The sun should have set by now. Why am I wearing my night clothes? I'm supposed to be at work. When did I take this nap? Oh...wait...It's 7 o'clock *in the morning*. I work at 6 *tonight*. I still have 3 hours before my first class. Go back to bed you crazy girl. Sleepy confusion, there's nothing else like it.

I stayed in tonight (a Friday night) by choice, is that weird?

Sat, 18 Feb 2006 06:10:16 GMT

Wags had invited me to his party tonight and I was gonna go after I got off work. I really just felt like staying home tonight and being anti-social. Everyone needs a bit of alone time where then can completely relax. I can not stand my work clothes. You've never seen a person strip so fast once they get home. It's a good thing D isn't here because : D I don't like to wear pants. I love you D!

So tonight I made the dough for some pepperoni rolls. It has to refridgerate for at least 8 hours but no more than 5 days. I'll cook it Sunday night. Make a request and I'll make sure to save you some. Trust me, they're delicious.

Painted my nails and soaked my feet, mostly just taking care of myself tonight. I'm feelin pretty good. : ) I'm going to work on my sculpture a bit and then maybe read. I picked up Crime and Punishment by Dostoevsky the other day. It's a classic I've heard, so I thought I'd try it out. Oh and I need to practice the samba and maybe do a little research. Just a week and four days until our presentation.

Tomorrow I want to wake up early and go to that Engineering Expo thing. Work from 12-330 (yay, only 3 hours!) and I have Sunday off. I plan on coming home tomorrow. I'm not exactly positive what I'm doing Saturday night, but I'm supposed to have plans with BJ on Sunday. What those plans are I have absolutely no clue. There are lots of ideas out there but nothing definite.

I don't see a point in living the way people think they're supposed to live. If I want to start all this stuff at 1 in the morning, dagnabbit I will. Ima do things on my own schedule. Live life minute by minute, not week by week or even day by day.

So all that stuff I was copmlaining about?

Fri, 10 Feb 2006 07:40:32 GMT

I seriously was feeling stressed to the max yesterday. Wow, it was only yesterday. On the way to JoAnn's I called Dining Services to find out about my refund. The lady told me that I now had to go talk to the cashier's office giving me the feeling that I was being led on some wild goose chase. I just about lost it after I hung up. Sitting in traffic not 3 minutes from work my eyes began to fill with water until a few drops overflowed. I was crying over nothing! I arrived at work and told myself to straighten up. I was being silly. That day at work turned out not to be so bad really. It felt like such an easy-going job compared to SNS. Exhausted by the end of the day, I came home and got some sleep. Thursday happened and now everything's fine.

I told JoAnn's my job situation. Took my physics test and feel pretty confident about it. Spanish homework is pretty much caught up. GeoPersp is alright. Still need to study calc but it's not an immediate issue. My apartment problem is still just that, a problem. But that's okay for now. SNS really wasn't all that stressful tonight. I served all night by myself and handled it fine. I need to send papers out for jury duty. bleh. Oh! And my refund check is in the mail for my meal plan. I still seem to be lacking some free do nothing time unless it cuts into my sleep like it's doing now.

bah! Boys are funny creatures.

Oh and I helped a squirrel today. It was dying/twitching/flopping around (yes, like a fish) outside the ADM courtyard area. Really a scary site. I told some people and they called animal control.

Wednesday morning I woke up in the morning with the gratifying feeling of having saved another human's life. In the dream there was something about an ocean or a large sea. Someone had drowned and people told me it was useless to do CPR, but I did it anyway. The guy regained consciousness and coughed up all the water from him lungs. It felt good to rescue that man.

I'm getting just a little bit frustrated and overwhelmed...

Wed, 08 Feb 2006 17:50:06 GMT

...but I don't wanna say that I can't handle it because that would be weak of me. I'm making a big deal over nothing, but I'm just gonna vent for a bit and feel better. There isn't anything I can't overcome!

What did I say about my honesty getting me in trouble?!?!?!??!!??!?!?!?!?!??!? Why can't I just lie like everyone else?!

I asked a guy by the laundromat how to use the laundry card. Making conversation, I told him that I just moved in with a friend and she didn't tell me anything about it. Haha, funny, aren't I sweet? He's the landlord and now that they've found out that I'm living here they want me to pay them more money. I haven't signed a lease with them. There's some kind of $35 application fee, I need to qualify for some amount of credit and be able to make 3x the amount of rent or some bs like that. I don't know if I can. What's gonna happen? They left a note on the door saying that paragraph 15 of the lease D's sister signed and so on...and they're gonna take further action in 10 days if nothing's done. They're just bad people.

I don't have a very good short term memory when I have to keep a list of things to do in my head. That's why I'm always writing everything down. How am I going to make a good server if I forget sides and drinks and shakes?!

I did lie to JoAnn's. Today's my last day, only they don't know that. They think I'm coming in on Saturday, but I can't due to Steak N Shake. I'll tell them tomorrow or the day after. I'm not going to take advantage of my discount since I know I'm leaving and that would be just using them which doesn't seem right to me.

I have a physics test to study for. Spanish homework to do. I need to study calculus. I need to practice playing a samba with Mark and Patrice. I've got a chapter report due Tuesday. I was half planning on coming home for Friday where I'll have to sleep on the couch cuz my bed's here (though I don't know for how long). I need to call Dining Services because it's been almost a week and they STILL haven't given me my refund and that's a lot of money that I could use about now. Plus I've got this wanna be stalker guy who would see no problem in driving 40 minutes to bother me at work. "i wanna know more about you" "i told you your worth it" (meaning the drive). I didn't talk to him online for like 2 days and he got upset like I was ignoring him.

I've gotta go or I'll be late for work.

PS I love Sarah Collier and I hope she's still here when/if I go on break and I can see her for at least a bit.

A bit of a follow up. I got bored of writing last time.

Wed, 01 Feb 2006 04:20:56 GMT

Today wasn't as stressful as I thought it would be and it's all because I skipped yoga. As a result I got 3 extra hours of some much needed sleep. I did my class thing, but had to skip Physics lecture because I forgot my lab stuff. I had to go out and get a white polo shirt for my job(s) tomorrow. These guys attempted to pick Dung and I up while we were grocery shopping. lol The one white guy had a silver grill. "I have 2% body fat and a nice-sized package for a white guy!" He said something about meat as well, if you know what I mean. We come home and cook spaghetti for dinner. Oh! And I cleaned up my room and finally put everything away. Flipping through the channels today we found this thing on the local broadcast channel. It's every Tuesday from 9-10 if anyone's interested. "The Atheist Hotline" They had this huge sign in front of their desk proclaiming that "JESUS ISN'T COMING!"

Tomorrow: Spanish 10-11. Calc II 11-12. JoAnn's 1-5. Steak N Shake 6-?

I can only keep up the two job thing for so long. Maybe long enough to get some money and then use my discount at JoAnn's and then quit.

Everything is absolutely officially cancelled now. I have two cancellation receipts; one for housing and another for my meal plan. Friday at the earliest I'll get all my refund money. Then I can make my official first rent payment. That's the all-encompassing last step to living in an apartment of my own.

I'll get to campus early tomorrow and see Jim with the Study Abroad people. I need to start organizing all my stuff to go to Greece this fall semester. :D

Ok! Ok! I'll update!

Tue, 31 Jan 2006 05:14:32 GMT

So a LOT has happened, Friday was a life changing day. Oh and "Why wait?" is my new theme for life.

Friday: I drive Dung and I to school in time for her 8 o'clock class after staying up until ~2am studying for calc at her quiet place (btw I got a 66 on it with the average being a 50). I went around all day figuring out the implications of this move. Of course it turns out that it's cheaper for me to live with her. I end up saving approximately $700 and I'll about almost $1000 back from my meal plan. Did you know that for the Any15 meal plan they are really charging you $87/week for food?! That's outrageous! JoAnn's called me. I got the job! Went in for an interview and I started today (Monday). Later I went into Steak N Shake and got my job preview thing done. It was sorta late when I got home from that and I had to get up super early. Recap--acquiring an apartment and two jobs in one day.

Saturday: Woke up at 630 (after going to bed at like 2-3 am cuza Laura). The people that I was driving to Plant City all slept in but eventually we all got to the build site. I spent most of the day building a house for Ms. Felicia, a Habitat for Humanity. We hammered walls and door frames together. Super neat stuff. I really enjoyed it. I went back to my dorm and sent some quality time with Laura in our room which consisted of her sleeping and me on my computer. Had my last dinner with my suitemate Ali in Argos. Laura's gone to work in Ybor and I spent a few hours packing up all my junk. I left at about 11 and got back to Lakeland around midnight. I hung out with Matt Stitzel for a few hours. He took me to this place called The Toe. He left me drive his stick shift and I took him to that abandoned house behind the church on Old 37 where he totally freaked out. I got home close to 3am to wake up at 10 the next morning.

Sunday: Got myself up and started gathering up the things that I need, i.e. my bed, dresser, and a nightstand. Matt came over at noon and we loaded up my stuff. We went to pick up this guy, Nick, and we were off to Tampa. Stop over at my dorm to pick up my stuff. We moved all my stuff in. I went back to Lakeland to hang out with them a bit longer. Learned how to play a samba cuz Nick actually teaches guitar for a living. Came back to my new place and spent the first night.

Monday: It took my only 10 minutes more walking time extra from my new place. Classes. Work at JoAnn's at 130. Came back. Cooked dinner and went grocery shopping (how cute!). Officially moved out turned in my key and everything. Steak N Shake called me and I'm going in at 6 on Wednesday after I get off from JoAnns at 5. I'm quitting JoAnns soon. I need to go home and get some white polo shirts, which both my jobs require. Now if I don't go to bed soon I'm going to die tomorrow. I plan on going to Yoga tomorrow at 645am.

Who else finds it upsetting that it isn't "safe" to walk around at night by yourself?

Wed, 18 Jan 2006 03:59:51 GMT

I've been taught that even moreso because of the simple fact that I'm a girl. I'd be scared of some strange man overpowering and then taking advantage of me. If you know me well, then you know my love of exploration and my fondness of the nighttime. A bad combination in today's world. I want to get over it and not be scared of strange people on the street. I don't know if I can trust them or not. This one kid I talked to recently was telling me stories of how he just goes up randomly and talks to hobos, treating them like people. I don't want to be scared, but I also know better than to put myself in dangerous situations, i.e. alone downtown in the middle of the night. I went on a mini-hike with my dog and Duane in the place down Lakeland Highlands Road, that nature preserve back there. I would love to just go for random walks through the woods, but Duane told me how even he thinks about his own safety going back there. You don't know who you might meet in the woods. He recommended that I not go alone. Then again, I've been going on midnight walks down Lake Miriam for years now. It's just sad to me that we gotta be scared of other people like that.

That would be the best job ever.

Mon, 16 Jan 2006 06:39:55 GMT

So Momma's boyfriend came over to check and make sure Stephen and I are doing alright. (btw She's been in Texas fighting fires since Jan. 3 and is finally coming back this Friday--One of the main reasons I've been home so often these last weeks is to keep Stephen company and look after him.) Duane turned the tv to this thing on TLC, a magic show. This guy David Blaine walks around doing magic tricks for random people on the street. The magic was cool and all, but the best part was the people's reactions. Everyone was so delighted to see these illusions. Some people were totally freaked out and began to even run away. Some doubled over in laughter. No one believed what they were seeing because he did the impossible, but they all had the biggest smiles on their faces. That's what it's all about. He made all these people from all sorts of backrounds feel good. Like there's still some mystery in the world. I dunno. Just seeing how happy those people were made me, even just sitting here at home, feel good inside and put a smile on my face. This guy is my hero.

I really enjoyed today.

Fri, 13 Jan 2006 02:39:55 GMT

There wasn't alot that was super special about today, it was just a really good day. I applied for some different jobs and because of that I was in a super friendly outgoing mood, which always feels good. omg I completely forgot about Express! I'm so sorry Dung! I also tried to get this dancing class but the advisors wouldn't let me take that many credits on top of the fact that it's a junior/senior class. Oh! Yesterday!

So I drove straight to my Papa's (granddad) house and we loaded up three huge tins of beef and took it down to, I guess it's my church. I was baptized there, but haven't gone for years and years. Some other people, none of whom were under 60, came and we cooked. And we cooked. And we prepared. And we cooked some more. Four big things of beef stew, a large bucket of mixed fruit, 214 biscuits, and several different cakes. I helped one lady chop the onions and what they say is true. Your eyes really do sting and water, I couldn't see. Some guys came in a van to get all the food and we piled into cars and were on our way to this place off of Massachusetts in not the best of neighborhoods. Papa served the stew and I managed the biscuits. Alot of the people were nice saying Thank you, some of them were bitter and just asked for extra. It made me feel good to be helping out. It made me feel depressed to see these people's situation. It also frightened me because it's not the best of neighborhoods. Overall it was a good experience and I invite anyone who wants to join me the second Wednesday of every months. Your help would be greatly appreciated and the people you work with are so sweet.

I can't wait for everyone to leave for Ybor. I yearn for a nice quiet dorm room to just chill and do my thing. One: I'm too nice and Two: I don't have the right to kick everyone out of their own room.

You scored as Mathematics. You should be a Math major! Like Pythagoras, you are analytical, rational, and when are always ready to tackle the problem head-on!

</td>

Mathematics

100%

Engineering

100%

Dance

83%

Philosophy

75%

Psychology

67%

Sociology

58%

Biology

58%

Linguistics

58%

Art

58%

English

58%

Anthropology

50%

Chemistry

50%

Journalism

42%

Theater

33%

What is your Perfect Major? (PLEASE RATE ME!!<3)
created with QuizFarm.com

Ahh that was just exaclty what I needed.

Tue, 10 Jan 2006 07:35:00 GMT

Well at least this evening; this afternoon didn't do me alot of good in the wallet.

I left at around noon to get to my wheel alignment appointment back in Lakeland. So they do that and then tell me that 3 tires are separating and I need to get new ones. >:O After paying $64 for the alignment I drive over to Walmart and put my car in the trusty hands of my old coworkers. Another $200 (which is actually a good price) for four new tires. It's times like these I wish I still had my discount... This week will be spent job hunting. Anyone know anyplace that's hiring?

On the way home I called Ashley because I just wanted to talk to her. Get some stuff off my chest and get some reassurance. I got both and I love her for it. We've been through so very much together, best friends since we were 11. Our friendship has suffered many strains and stresses; and, yet we still manage always to pick up right where we left off. My all-time confidant no matter what.

So I met her, Haili, and Jessica up at Carraba's and we had a blast. These girls are always laughing and always telling outrageous stories. It's hysterical and really lightened my heart. You guys are wonderful. : )

Oh and I finally brought my guitar back. I was dead craving to play last night, but I had left it at home. One day I swear I'll be a master guitar expert. As for now, I need practice and lots of it.

Arthur C. Clarke is a cool dude.

Fri, 06 Jan 2006 09:27:00 GMT

I don't know what exactly it is about the Space Odyssey books, but I just cannot put them down once I start reading them. Okay, so this is only the second book in the series of like 20 (exaggeration..), but still. It doesn't even feel like I'm reading it, I'm so into the story. The only effect is that my eyes are a little blurry due to the fact that I've spent the last couple hours reading and not sleeping as I should. It's more like some show I'm watching that pauses every time I take a break and picks right back up where I left off. I was never really big on Star Wars or Star Trek or anything of that nature, these books are the exception.

Before Christmas my mother and I went to Book Bazaar sort of on a whim. Turns out we had $24 of credit there and we went crazy. The most expensive books there are $3-4 but most are a dollar or less. : ) My mom chose maybe four books and I picked out six different ones (odd selections I might add). I couldn't help but try to read them all at once. The Space Odyssey 2010 (finished tonight) and a collection of short stories (good stuff so far) by Mr. Clarke. A collection of Ray Bradbury stories (I don't think I like him too much). Dialogues of Plato (including his Republic, which I am actually reading now that it's not required). Descartes' Discourse on Method (similarly no longer required reading). And a book I heard about in my sociology class summer before last. It was 75 cents! How could I say no? It's supposed to be about the difference between sex and gender roles in these three native tribes. At least I believe it's the same book, all it has talked about so far is how we can just now begin (I wanna say it was written in the 1970's) study differing cultures without bias towards our own.

We'll see how this independent exercise in learning goes. So far I'm enjoying it, though some of it gets a little tedious.

I almost forgot this even happened to me.

Wed, 04 Jan 2006 07:14:36 GMT

My dad, my little brother and I have to go to the store. Albertson's is just down the way so we all pile into my dad's Crown Vic and are on our way. Daddy decides to take the way that I love--that one road with three really big turns one right after the other. There's the lake on one side and all these trees. It's almost like a forest back in there, right in the middle of the city. It also has its various abandoned buildings hidden in the foliage...

Just after the final curve back to the right I notice this overgrown, broken down barn and it's calling my name. What luck! I just happen to have my camera with me and an assignment from my photography class. While my dad and little brother go shopping for the basic necessities of life, I embark on an adventure. It involves *trying* to climb a fence and finally resorting walking around back by the road, but I finally reach my destination. I step carefully, camera poised and ready. For some reason I feel the need to stay as quiet as possibly. I don't know what I would be disturbing, there won't be anyone out here. No one cares about this building anymore.

There's this car that's half in the wall of the building, almost like someone crashed it into it and left it there. This is gonna be gold. Black and white photos of this old building with a car in it's side; Mrs. Lee will go crazy! After taking a few photos from the outside I get the great idea to go inside. Maybe I'll get some good backlit shots of the car with broken plywood around it. My steps are chosen and precise. I don't want to break a twig and insodoing break the silence.

Ah, here's a hole in the wall I might be able to squeeze through so I don't have to go all the way around to the back. I duck down so I don't hit my head, but when I look up I have to stifle a yelp. There's a man wearing just a pair of old jeans lying on the dirt floor. A million thoughts chase each other through my head as to who this guy is. Is he just some bum? Is he a drug addict? Will he hurt me? Maybe he has a gun! I don't have any money on me. He might try to rape me! This must be the reason I've been so quiet, but I don't think about that now. My only thought is to get out of here as soon as possible and not wake up this man in the process. As I'm leaving, of course I step on that stick and of course I nearly trip and drop my camera. I'm nearly jogging back to Albertson's and I meet up with my dad and little brother at the car. "Get any good pictures?" : )

Happy January 1st, Everyone!

Sun, 01 Jan 2006 22:31:01 GMT

Well I don't feel so hot today. Not so much hung over (my stomach's a little unsettled), but more so distressed about the happenings of last night. The day was lots of fun btw. I love my Champions and the awesome time we always have together. The plans that I was looking forward to fell through, so I went with Tiffany to this crazy house. At first I was pretty antisocial because this was pretty much the other people's home. They were at ease and I was an uneasy intruder. I dunno, there was the whole thing with Brent and Robert, too, which was upsetting. There was a lot of history at this party and it was history that I didn't really fit into. I also had this knack for waking up in time to hear people talking about me. Not mean and hurtful things, but not good things either. The only people I really knew and loved there were Diana and Tiffany. Everyone else was making me uncomfortable. So I did something not very unusual for me to do; I simply walked home at 5 in the morning. It was at most a mile, no problem.

The first day of my new year has been spent trying to get over a queasy stomach and the residual depressing feeling of not belonging. Note: Driving around aimlessly and screaming to blaring music is very therapeutic. How you spend the first day of the year is supposed to be a precursor to how the rest of the year will go. I think this means that it may be a mildly tough year emotionally, but that I'll be strong enough to realize that's it's just another step in life. You learn, you move on and you never let these things get you down.

UPDATE: {January 2, 2006 2:41 am} Totally over it. Knew it wouldn't take long. ; )

I don't feel like editing this one for now.

Fri, 30 Dec 2005 11:00:32 GMT

So we got three weeks of vacation. The first week was spent mostly at home and with family. I didn't go out very much and there was a lot of planning for Christmas and whatnot. The second week of break so far, I've just been going and going. I became super social overnight.

Monday, I was supposed to go to Busch Gardens with Ashley that day but I hadn't heard from her. Tiffany called and so I asked her if she wanted to go with me. We didn't get there until like 3 and were back in Lakeland by 9. We started planning this 'play in the sand' deal at Carter Road, but that fell through. Instead we went to BJ's apartment and hung out there. Tiffany, Liz, BJ, Cowboy, Convict, and Clayton. Alcohol involved. Under the influence I tend either to be pretty contrary and I want to argue with everyone or I get affectionate. I feel bad because I got a little affectionate with Convict; I like put my legs across his lap or something simple like that. He was the only one still awake and he went into Clayton's room, so I went in to talk to him a bit. He hinted that he wouldn't bite if I lay in bed with him, but I just didn't want to, sat on the floor instead. Then with no warning, not saying anything at all, I got up and walked into BJ's room and crawled into bed with him. We didn't sleep at all. We stayed up all night, until the sunrise, just talking. He has since said that I'm like his "girl twin." We share so many thoughts and theories. Excellent conversationalist, but not the best cuddle buddy to be honest.

So I didn't tell my Mom where I was going that night after Busch Gardens or that I wasn't even coming home. That was bad of me. : /

Tuesday night I spent with Ashley and Whitney at Walmart. I cannot go into that store without visiting with just about everybody I see. I made promises to get back in there to see everyone again before I leave for Tampa again next weekend. I didn't get home that night until ~230am.

Woke up at 645am on Wednesday to get to Walmart bright and early for an overdue oil change and tire rotation. Came back home and slept for about 3 hours. Picnic with Anitha, Farmer, Dung, and all those girls at 130 around Lake Mirror. Then to Busch Gardens again but this time with Ashley, Whitney, and Curby. We had a blast with a whole point system and teams. That night I had said I would go back to BJ's again and was looking forward to it, but everyone there was being pretty antisocial so we only stayed a bit. Then I went to Curby's and all of us watched half of The Craft. Home at around 2am.

Thursday I kept trying to wake up early and surprise visit a friend but I couldn't get myself going. I think I slept until almost 4pm. It felt sooo good. Picked up my little brother from a friend's and then stopped to visit my dad. Curby's from like 1030-1am. and then Dumpster Diving with Ashley's mom and cousin and Jack from the Walmart cash office. Got myself one free round trip ticket to just about any where I want. : ) Too bad I joined in at the last minute. I'd like to have contributed more to the effort. Now I'm home and I'm sleepy.

I've still many promises to keep. I promised to make plans with a lovely Ms. Sarah Collier, darling Adelsia Jones, Matt Stitzel, I need to see Jonathan, Josh and Patti. It's so nice to feel wanted like that, but I also would feel super bad if I forgot about anyone. I think I am and I am so sorry to whoever that person might be.

I just never went to sleep the other day.

Tue, 20 Dec 2005 01:16:37 GMT

But I got plenty of rest last night and I've felt pretty good all day, wonderful in fact. I spent the day, which began at 3pm after the most refreshing repose, cleaning my room. Doesn't sound like much fun, but it was really half cleaning my room half dancing around in my underwear. My room is one of my favorite places to be alone. I just put on some good music and I really do 'dance like no one's watching.' It's invigorating! No one can see you acting like a total fool. It's even better when you have a mirror and you can see yourself act a fool. I think everyone should take the time to dance crazy in their underwear, it makes you more comfortable in your own skin. This will be your weekly homework assignment. Thank you and goodnight. : )

My dog is the only one in the world that goans, moans and whines when you rub her ears just right.

Sun, 18 Dec 2005 07:49:00 GMT

I'm falling in love with my guitar all over again. I've spent almost all night just fooling around with it. Got a favorite song? I'm taking requests and suggestions as to what I should learn. Momma's trying to tell me that this guitar isn't mine. That I can't have it when I really do move out of the house. Little does she know...

I had a wonderful day today. Let me warn you now, it's a little on the totally sweet side. I woke up bright and early this morning. My mother stayed in a hotel in Orlando earlier this week for business and left her shoes. We just made a big trip of the whole thing. We drove over to pick her boots up and then did a little Christmas shopping at the Outlet mall. We both got sick of that mess and went to Publix because we were hungry. ha We sat in the car enjoying a sub and just chatting. When we got back I was super tired so I took a nap. Refreshed, I came out and we baked homemade Kiss cookies while watching You've Got Mail. Super chik-flik! I dunno it was just Quality Time with Mom Day.

The nighttime then is reserved for doing whatever I feel like, which right now means half paying attention to the movie on tv (Kate and Leopold, another chik-flik, I know), learning new songs, browsing the internet. Perhaps I'll do a little more reading while walking on the treadmill, who cares if it's a quarter to 3 in the morning? The book I'm reading is on my laptop so last night I tied my whole computer to the treadmill... I haven't been getting any exercise so Ima work on that.

Goals for this Break: well I need to finish my shopping, almost done. I want to improve my heart health, it beats a bit too fast when I exert just a little bit of effort so I'll fix that this break. Clean my room, hasn't been done since the summer : ). Improve my guitar skills. Catch up with all my friends in Lakeland. Learn to knit among other crafts. Read books that people recommended. Visit some Tampa buddies, there are a few that stayed over there and I know they'll get bored and enjoy the company. I dunno. Keep myself busy with the random diversion. It's time for a break from scheduled life and time to live in the moment type deal that I'm always talking about. I just know this break is going to fly by.

Procrastination.

Tue, 13 Dec 2005 02:11:56 GMT

I promise to study for Chem right as soon as I'm done playing around online. With already a B in Chem due to hardly ever studying, I'm not awfully concerned. I'm pretty sure I have A's in all my other classes anyway. After that is Calc on Wednesday and that shouldn't be too hard either.

My younger dog, Zeke, has this thing where he can't be alone. I'm sitting on the floor right now, only person in the house, and he's sitting right right behind me, butt to butt in fact. He has to be in physical contact with someone at all times. I think he's insecure...

I got a hour long knitting video and kit from my Secret Santa. I guess I'm learning how to knit now.

I think I'm spoiled. I honestly am not used to "No". I'll get the occasional crazy idea in my head and want to follow through. Especially since I've gotten my car. I wanna go. I wanna do. Spontaneous things don't need much preparation and I don't need to do alot to get ready. Last spring I decided that I wanted to go on my first road trip ever. My little brother and I packed up our things and drove to Tallahassee and then to Louisiana. Hardly any planning involved, mostly guesswork and acting on whims. Some people worry too much about the outcome when usually things work themselves out. It doesn't hurt that I don't get upset too easily either. I don't react strongly to outside stimuli of that sort.

Anyway, I've been alive for 19 years now and I have yet to see snow. Closest I've come is that one time it hailed here. The thought crossed my mind to take advantage of the fact that I didn't have to ask off from work and to drive up to Penn. I could stay with my Aunt and Uncle that live in Waterford. Problem: I've never seen snow and therefore have never driven in it either. That could be dangerous. Solution: Justin and White Dan are from Pennsylvania and they're driving back this Break. They were born and raised in the snow. Justin is from the same town both my mother and her mother before her grew up. About 30 minutes from my Aunt and Uncle's place. That would be so cool AND I'd have kids my age to hang out with. AND I'd see snow for the first time. AND my Aunt and Uncle are great people. I think I'd have a wonderful time. Problem: neither of my parents are too thrilled about the idea, I might not be back for Christmas, I'd miss this chance to be with all my friends whom I haven't really hung out with in forever. Solution: there isn't really one and that's just another problem. I'll be happy no matter what I end up doing really.

I'm in the mood for some alone time, which is what I'm enjoying right now. I'd like to just lock myself up in my house with no outside contact for just a few days. That's all I need to rejuvenate myself. No talking and slight human interaction. Just me doing the various things that I do to keep myself entertained. Like looking up random information or working on some project or running around town by myself. Very introverted things. To contradict myself, I wouldn't mind a social gathering of sorts, preferably one I didn't have to majorly participate in, but also one where my two cents would be appreciated. Really I just don't feel like concentrating on school work. I want to spend my time the way I want to.

It's long because alot happened this weekend.

Mon, 12 Dec 2005 07:25:43 GMT

____________________________THURSDAY__________________________
I had a Chem test on Friday so I went over to Wags' room to study. Since I was still over there, I went with him and Odom to eat at this Mexican place. We went back to Kappa after wards and Wags through this little party deal.

_____________________________FRIDAY___________________________
I ended up sleeping over to make sure that I got up in time to go take that test at 8am. After class I took a quick nap and then off to Busch Gardens.

All 7 of us (Justin, Diran, White Dan, Matt, Oscar, Gabe, and I) crammed ourselves into Justin's Corolla which is the exact same size as my tiny car... Good thing BG was right around the corner. ha, All because we didn't want to pay for parking and had only one free pass. It was slightly overcast, so there weren't many people. We rode Sheikra 4 times and Kumba 3 times all in a row. Poor Oscar, after the tidal wave we're all walkin around sopping wet. Diran notices a hole in Oscar's pants and proceeds to stick his finger in it and tear a 2 foot long hole down the back. After that all the boys started pointing it out to anyone who walked by. We stayed until they closed at 6.

Came back home and chilled/napped in my room a few hours to the Science channel. Got bored and ended up going to see Narnia at 1040 with Dave Fain and a buncha people. Really good movie. I felt like a happy little child. : ) Grabbed some McDonald's afterward and went back to Dave's room to eat and talk a bit.

I had promised to go see my Walmart buddies, who were throwing this sophisticated wine party thing. I got there about 3 and there were just a few people left. Deli Dan was drunk beyond belief. He was upset at me because I didn't tell him that I had quit Walmart. I could have sworn I did. Anyway, he was drunk and I was not so the odds are gonna be in my favor if there's any kind of disagreement. He passed out after a while. Joe, the other person who lives there, passed out during National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation. The other chick who was there went home. Jesse and Erik left after a while and I was the only one still up. I finished the movie and then started cleaning up their apartment--putting food away and then covering Dan and Joe with some blankets, almost motherly type things like that. Turned off all the lights and left at around 6am.

_____________________________SATURDAY_________________________
It was really really late by now but I wasn't tired at all. So I packed up all my things, they're kicking us out soon anyway, and drove home. Crashed when I got here a few hours. Then some Christmas shopping with my little brother. We saw a mime at the new mall. He wasn't annoying or anything. I just wasn't expecting a mime to be walking around. Does somebody pay him, or does he do that for fun?

White Dan called me to invite me to this kegger they were throwing for this chick's birthday. I hung out at home for a bit, then drove to Josh's to see everyone. I'll be seeing alot more of you guys now that Break is almost upon us. Left there at about 11 to return to Tampa.

Went to Dan's and stayed there until ~3/4 in the morning. The beginning was alright. I felt like being really social and talking to new people, but the really loud music kinda inhibited conversation. I stayed downstairs in Dan's room mostly chatting with him about philosophical-type things and then chatting with the random person who came in. Nate accused me of 'macking' on Dan, not right in front of him mind you. I think he's intelligent and fun to talk to, but I don't know that there's anything more than that. I wish people would just let things happen the way they will instead of trying to find an ulterior motive. "I'm talking to Dan in his room therefore I must want him."

Again I was among the last to leave. The end of the party was better when we all sat around Drew's room just talking. As I said, I was in a social mood. It ended up though that Drew had to go to bed because he had work in a few hours. Birthday Girl was completely messed up by then so she put herself to bed on the couch. Leon had passed out in a chair an hour or so before. All that was left was me, Nate, Dan, and this annoying little white kid who kept freestyling. He had all these stories about lesbians and drugs and he just wouldn't stop talking. I really wanted some duck tape to put over his mouth. Nate was ready to start walking, but we live in the same building on campus so I just gave him a ride back. Back to my dorm for a horrible night's sleep. It was so cold and I forgot my quilt at home.

______________________________SUNDAY__________________________
Woke up about 130 and decided that maybe I should go shopping for my Secret Santa as we were exchanging gifts that night. Walked around this plaza thing for a few hours and finally picked out a whole buncha green stuff and put it in this basket. A shirt + a scarf + 10 packs of gum + a soup cup + 3 candles + a Mountain Dew + a basket + the gift wrap + a bow = $20. Good shopper? Got back at 430 and we weren't leaving for dinner until 7 so I went driving slash hung out at the library till then. Dinner at this Asian place, gift exchange and then back to Lakeland.

____________________________THE FUTURE________________________
Tomorrow my mom is leaving for somewhere and won't be back until Wednesday night. She needed someone to take Stephen to school so that's one reason why I'm home. Another is I'm kinda enjoying it. : ) Tomorrow I want to go visit some teachers at Jenkins. I need to mow the front lawn. I need to study for my two exams. I'm supposed to go visit my Grandparents. I'm going back to Tampa for Chem on Tuesday, staying the night and taking Calc on Wednesday. Then I think I'm home for good and only going back to Tampa, maybe for one last party. My suitemate is moving out and it's her 20th birthday so her friend is throwing a party for her. White Dan also said that he was gonna have another party next week, this one with a little more planning and not so much last minute stuff. I dunno, but now I'm pretty much home for the holidays.

Enlighten yourself, broaden your horizons. : )

Tue, 06 Dec 2005 05:20:49 GMT

Here is a book that everyone should at least give a try. It's not very long. I started it tonight and I'm on page 114 of 144 on Adobe with ginormous (<--a real word according to spell check : P) font. It's a free online (<--incorrect spelling according to spell check, recommended 'on line') download. You guys have probably heard of it, but this is my first time seeing it. God's Debris by the guy who writes the Dilbert cartoon (Scott Adams?). Anyway it's got some views in it that I've never before even thought of and I enjoy sharing the knowledge.

http://www.andrewsmcmeel.com/godsdebris/